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Sunday, March 13, 2011 | 1:10 AM

I wanna be drunk. When i'm drunk at least, things could be better. Today ain't much a good day. I tried to be happy. But apparently, it ain't much successful? hahhas.. And till now, then is the only time i know what's wrong with me..

I not sure is i relapsed or what. I forgot what are the symptoms so i went to check it out. Wiki says this :

Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity that can affect a person's thoughts, behaviour, feelings and physical well-being. It may include feelings of sadness, anxiety, emptiness, hopelessness, worthlessness, guilt, irritability, or restlessness. Depressed people may lose interest in activities that once were pleasurable, experience difficulty concentrating, remembering details, or making decisions, and may contemplate or attempt suicide. Insomnia, excessive sleeping, fatigue, loss of energy, or aches, pains or digestive problems that are resistant to treatment may be present.

Today i had low mood but aversion, as in i don't know what's aversion lahs. But it did affect my thoughts. Behaviour? Mmm.. I don't remember. Feelings? Yeah, it did. Physical well-being? A little. Feelings : sadness? A bit. Anxiety? Not really. Emptiness, hopelessness, worthlessness, guilt? Yahs! Did! As in i felt like i did something wrong to the whole entire world and i wanted to say sorry to every single person. As in including the strangers that i don't know at all. I don't know why. Irritability? Yahs, somehow. Restlessness? Yeapyeap. I felt fatigue. I also felt like i didn't want to do anything. As in i didn't felt like doing the things that i love to do. Nothing at all. I just wanted to be alone and stare in to space. As in got this feeling like i keep staring into space every single second. I can't concentrate during tuition. I can't remember much stuffs, i forgot all the formula and i've to keep flipping to the page of formulas. When peiyu ask me something, i say anything, whatever. But i didn't have thoughts of suicide lahs. I've not slept yet, so nope. But i always sleep for many hours, more than a normal person does, by a lot. Fatigue, loss of energy? Yahs, during school. I mean it's not the teacher or the lesson is boring that make me wants to sleep. But it's just my mind keeps going to 'shutdown' mode. Aches, pains? My shoulders are aching. When i press them they are painful lahs. But it had always been like that for quite sometime. Digestive problems? I don't think so. Hahahs.

So roughly.. mmm.. i guess is relapse? hahah.. Nevermind..
But i really feel strongly that i need to at the least say sorry to everyone around me. I'm just sorry.. Even if i didn't do anything ( which cannot be ) I just feel that, i need to say sorry. Hundreds, millions and gazillion times of sorry..